


Peculiar Perks

by IcedLemonade



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Justice League - All Media Types, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Alien Biology, Established Relationship, Fanart, Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Clark Kent, M/M, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25047334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcedLemonade/pseuds/IcedLemonade
Summary: Clark has always been different from humans. Why shouldn't he be? He's an alien after all, one of the two remaining kryptonians in the universe. Apart from the very obvious differences (laser eyes, unbreakable skin, etc.), Bruce has come to notice a few other subtle yet baffling characteristics of Clark over the course of dating him.This is a collection of some moments where Bruce seriously doubts his sanity because his boyfriend is an alien and does weird alien things. Sometimes on accident, other times just to annoy him for fun.
Relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 58
Kudos: 552





	1. Steel

**Author's Note:**

> I've read way too many fics lately concerning Clark's alien biology, and I just had to write one of my own. :P

They were out on a lunch date, their first proper one ("coffee doesn't count as lunch, Bruce") ever since deciding that they'd stop dancing around each other and actually start dating. Clark suggested a family burger restaurant. Bruce, deciding that his love for Clark is stronger than the pressure to maintain his perfect abs, grudgingly agreed.

Bruce sighed for the hundredth time within the hour and glared at Clark seated opposite of him, who's staring at his cheeseburger like it was the most interesting thing in the entire universe. He cleared his throat, sensed no reply, and snapped his fingers in front of Clark's face.

"Bruce?" Clark's head snapped up at a speed which would normally dislocate a human's neck.

"Why aren't you eating?"

"Oh, well, I guess I wasn't that hungry after all," Clark smiled sheepishly.

Bruce quirked an eyebrow. "You said this is your favourite restaurant."

"Yeah," Clark said, but gave no further explanation.

"Hm." Thoughtful, but not confused, Bruce eyed the plate of burger across him. It was completely untouched except for a tiny bite at the corner. He filed away the information to the back of his brain. He'll have to analyse the burger and Clark's appetite later.

* * *

It's definitely weird, now that Bruce started paying attention to Clark's diet. He never finishes his food, if he'd even ordered one in the first place, and instead superspeeds away when he thought Bruce wasn't looking to feed the food to some stray dogs and cats outside. Thus Bruce never had a chance to analyse the food. Not that he needed to, Clark ignores almost every item of food shoved at his face, so the problem shouldn't be the food itself.

He moved on the next item of inquiry. Clark.

He'd never particularly noticed his diet before, and thus lack a model of fair comparison. He could ask the other league members, but he doubt they'd noticed either. And phoning Clark's mom is too much awkwardness and social interaction he could handle in a day.

He decided to observe and collect more data for the time being.

* * *

Downtown Metropolis was a mess after a grueling battle with Killer Frost and several other ice-themed villains. The road was littered with unmelted ice and broken glass, both deceptively similar to each other. Clean-up was going to be hard.

Bruce trudged through the wreckage, eternally thankful for his insulating boots and ready to tie the villains up and throw them back in Arkham, when he heard a crunch.

He froze, and spotted Clark in the periphery of his vision, holding up a collapsed beam with a suspicious teeth mark at the side, trying his best to look nonchalant.

The only thing Bruce saw at the moment was a big red sign flashing "WTF" at the back of his eyelids. He breathed in, then out. Then saw Clark flashing a dazzling smile at him, the beam held strategically to hide the mark.

Utterly confused, Bruce resumed walking, but kept an eye on Clark. As soon as he moved, another bite mark appeared on the beam in a streak of blue.

Oh he's so going to talk to Clark after they'd gotten back.

* * *

"Clark?" Bruce asked, comfortably lying on the gigantic bed in the Wayne manor master bedroom.

"Yes, darling?" Clark smirked.

"Don't call me that," Bruce scowled, which widened the grin on Clark's face.

"Sorry, you were asking?"

"I have an interesting question."

"Mmm?"

"It may be completely unexpected and weird."

"Oh, now I'm interested."

"You must provide a satisfactory answer within a minute, or else you're sleeping on the couch tonight."

"Wait what? What if I don't know the answer??"

"You will."

"Why does that sound unnecessarily ominous?"

Bruce smiled sweetly and dropped into the Batman register. "But if you do give me a satisfactory answer, you'll be rewarded with... anything you want."

Clark went beet red at the suggestive tone. "Anything?"

"Yes, farm boy. Anything. For one night."

Clark coughed. "Alright, ask away."

Bruce's smirk faded, then reached behind the bed, activating a secret compartment in the bed post. He took a portion of the beam with the bite marks out, and felt Clark go motionless behind him.

He held out the piece of metal in front of him. "Care to explain why you were munching on this like a granola bar?"

"Uh..." Bruce could physically see Clark's internal debate on whether an awesome night of sex was worth it. His face went through all the 5 stages of grief, before finally settling on acceptance.

"Well, first of all, I'm not even going to ask how you saw that," Clark signed, "and also, does your offer still hold even if my answer is... unconventional?"

Bruce quirked an eyebrow. "As long as it's the truth, the offer still holds."

"Alright," Clark ran a clammy palm over his face. Bruce didn't even know kryptonians could sweat. "Well, the truth is, I need it."

"You... need to chomp on a bar of metal instead of actual food?"

"Actually, I don't need food to survive, they don't taste much to me, but... I need that bar of metal."

Bruce lingered and worried over the fact that Clark couldn't enjoy any human sustenance before the rest of what Clark said sunk in. "You don't need human food... you can photosynthesize?"

"Sort of, I can actually obtain almost everything I need from the air. My body converts them into necessary nutrients like proteins and sugars," Clark shrugged, "But then there's no iron in the air, so I need to munch on iron bars to get them."

Bruce remained in silent contemplation for a long time, hands on his chin and staring intensely at a point on the wall. Long enough that Clark was about to burst.

"Uh... Bruce?" He whispered.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? I could have made you some iron cookies that you can actually taste, and you don't have to go on munching those dirty beams outside!"

Clark's eyes widened in surprise. "So you're... not mad at me?"

"Of course I am! You've been eating metal covered with pigeon poop all this time without telling me!"

Clark made a sound between a snort and a huff of relief. "Actually, I avoid the areas with poop, so-"

"-and dust!"

"Okay, fine," Clark held his hands up in surrender.

Bruce sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I hope you at least used mouthwash before kissing me."

"I did! I swear," Clark pouted, then suddenly looked as if he remembered something. "Wait, actually I don't need to."

"Another one of your super powers?"

"Yep," Clark said, popping the P, "antibacterial saliva."

Bruce was seconds away from getting the worst migraine known in human history, but his years of discipline training in the mountains _refuses_ this to happen. "Go to the cave, I'll join you in a minute."

"But... what about the-"

"-we will fuck after I've done a full analysis of your saliva and digestive enzymes, I promise. Now, get to the cave before I change my mind."

Clark lit up, literally, his perfectly blue eyes emitting a faint rainbow lustre. Disorientated, Bruce rubbed his eyes. The glow was gone.

"I need more coffee..." He muttered as Clark sped away in a gust of wind.


	2. Rainbow

Somehow, the only thing that was on Bruce's mind during the test on Clark's saliva and in the bedroom later was his glowy eyes. The outwordly rainbow lustre has etched itself into Bruce's mind, leaving him feeling warm and fuzzy inside everytime he thought of it.

It has to be a hallucination, right? Eyes don't glow rainbow.

But Bruce has been dating an alien for a month and friends with one for even longer, so of course he knew better. He was unable to stop thinking of those eyes, and that was problematic enough. Ever the knowledge hoarder, he set off, once again, to uncover yet another one of Clark's strange abilities.

Clark's eyes seemed to glow after Bruce's promise of sex, so he thought it would be a good place to start. He spent the first few days being a horny boyfriend and jumping on Clark every chance he got, then observing his eyes.

They didn't glow.

On the fourth day, Bruce was utterly frustrated, but the overwhelming exhaustion from three whole days of marathon sex prevented him from continuing his observation.

He grumbled and updated a document while Clark fetched him refreshments.

Quick as ever, Clark returned with two huge glasses of apple juice and a thousand-watt smile. Bruce hastily saved the document and closed it, just in time for Clark to lean forward and peck a kiss on his forehead.

"Morning, B." Clark grinned and landed another peck on his nose.

"Mm."

Clark plopped down onto the bed next to Bruce and almost flung him into the air. He glared.

"Sorry."

They drank their apple juices in comfortable silence, while Bruce finished the document mentally. There are still tests to be done, but they can wait. He just needed to wait for a few more days until he recovered to start the whole horny act again.

Not that he minded, the last few days has been great.

In a sudden moment of clarity, he realized that he hasn't even thought about the rainbow eyes today. All he did was log in the reports, and that was efficient and technical. Clark's eyes no longer occupied every neurone in his brain anymore.

As if taking off a particularly dark shade of sunglasses from his eyes, the world came back into focus, clearer than before. He realized with a surge of joy that he could focus on his thoughts again.

"Clark? Can your eyes do anything else except... x-ray and heat vision?"

Clark stopped sipping for a single second, and that was answer enough.

"What."

"Um... it's hard to explain."

"Take your time." Bruce smirked, and leaned back, even though he knew the answer already.

"Well, I don't exactly have a fancy name for it, but I think 'Libido-increasing-vision' should be self-explanatory enough."

Bruce smiled. At least he knew that Clark won't lie to him. "So you planned the last three days?" He asked sweetly.

"...Yes?"

"Hm."

"Well... it was good, right?"

"Yes it was."

"Nice."

They fell into silence once again, each sipping quietly at their glass.

"Just don't use it in public, okay?"

"No promises." Clark shot him a mischeivious leer.

Bruce sighed, but he couldn't bring himself to be angry at Clark. "And I'll need you to come down to the cave to investigate the exact mechanisms of your 'libido-increasing-vision' later."

Clark groaned. "Another test? But they're so boring, and I never get to do anything except getting poked at!"

Much later in the cave, he'd take back everything about what he said about lab testing being boring, after accidentally exposing Bruce to his special vision without wearing reflective goggles. Needless to say, Alfred was not at all amused to find a trail of clothing leading from the main computer up to a corridor, where he feared to go further.


	3. Possession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: ugly fanart ahead

Kryptonians are possessive.

Very, very possessive.

Bruce thought that it was just a Clark thing when he saw him shooting looks that rival the batglare when women clambered all over Brucie at a gala, but then he saw Kara almost burn a hole through a man who petted Krypto when taking him out for a walk.

Then he noticed how Clark would automatically kiss him until his lips were numb whenever they got out of public. But most evidential of all, how an arm would always be wrapped protectively around his waist, especially in costume.

The media has waved it off as "a display of male bonding between two very good friends". The Internet has declared it as "an undeniable proof that Superbat is canon". Bruce didn't know which gave him a headache more.

Alright, so he found out that his boyfriend was biologically possessive. After developing a few more contingency plans, he thought that should be the end.

(plot twist: it wasn't)

Bruce has just finished giving a speech on the environmental issues surrounding the development of the Watchtower, when he was suddenly yanked backstage by a staff member, his eyes burning with hatred and knife in hand. Instinct kicked in and he slapped the knife away, only to collapse to the ground in a sudden convulsion of pain sparking down his spine.

He grimaced, mentally kicking himself for not noticing the shocker hidden underneath. Then he saw the knife coming down fast, way too fast to dodge at his current predicament.

Instead of feeling pain blossom across his chest, he saw a blue streak, and the knife was gone. A second later, the man was gone as well, swept off his feet by a golden lasso.

Bruce stood back up groggily, the electrical shock still numbing his senses. Commotion broke out among the crowd, but he didn't hear any of it. The only thing he could sense was Clark standing in front of him, x-raying him frantically, a giant wall of warmth and comfort.

"Mm' fine..." He mumbled, and with ice twisting his guts, pushed him away. Clark didn't get the memo, however, and pulled him back in for a bone-crushing hug.

The commotion halted abruptly; every pair of eyes were trained on them. In the distant, a camera flash went off.

Bruce gritted his teeth and dreaded the twitter hashtags tomorrow.

* * *

He has vastly underestimated the power of the Internet. Just a few hours after giving the speech, his phone was bombarded with updates from every social media in existence with a suspiciously high resolution of him and Clark hugging in the conference hall. Most of the comments were screaming at them to kiss.

He logged out of all his official Batman accounts and stared at the gloomy Gotham sky. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Clark."

It took more than ten seconds for him to arrive, compared with the usual 1.5 seconds.

Clark's mouth began tumbling the second his feet touched the ground. "Bruce! I'm so sorry about that hug! I was so worried about you and I just forgot where we were for a second, and-"

"You do know that we're now the number one ship on the Internet, right?" Bruce said, cutting him off.

"Um, yeah. My feed has been blowing up with people asking us to kiss."

Bruce sighed and rubbed his temples. "Look, Clark. You do understand the security risks of what we've just done?"

Clark nodded his head mechanically.

"And how it compromises the mission, as well as our reputation?"

Clark gave another nod, albeit slower.

"Villains will take this chance to gain leverage on us. They'll hurt us by getting to the other, and I won't let that happen. There're too many issues to consider already, and this is an unnecessary distraction that we don't need," Bruce said, "Therefore, I'd like us to keep personal contact in public to a minimum for the next month, until this whole craze about us on the Internet dies down. Understood?"

Clark nodded sadly.

"It's just an act for the public, don't be too dejected," Bruce comforted, "we'll still be together."

"Yeah," Clark said, but he sounded far away.

* * *

The next week went by like a snail. Clark would always be distant and unfocused in league meetings, and even when they were on their own, he seemed less passionate. Bruce, on the other hand, missed the warmth and reassurance when Clark would hug his waist.

Slowly but surely, Internet attention died down, though there are still a few diehard fans lingering. All seemed to go well, until Bruce realized that Clark didn't enjoy his homemade iron cookies anymore.

He shoved the plate of iron ball bearings seasoned with chocolate chips closer to Clark's face. "Come on, it's your favourite! I even remembered to add salt this time."

Clark gave a grim smile, which looked completely out of place on his broad and innocent face. "Sorry, but I'm not hungry, Bruce. Maybe you can save it for later?"

"You're never not hungry for iron cookies, Clark," Bruce huffed, putting down the plate and crossing his arms. "Is it my seasoning? I may not know how to cook but I think I can still get the seasoning right."

"No, it's nothing. Really, Bruce, your seasoning is perfect, and-"

"Then what?" That came out harsher than Bruce intended it too, and he mentally winced.

Clark looked dejected. "I promise, it's really nothing. I'm just tired, I guess."

Bruce watched him leave, the plate of cookies untouched. A plan was hatching in his mind.

* * *

It took exactly an hour and half for Clark to find out what Bruce has done, and by then Bruce was sitting on the Watchtower, comfortably sipping a cup a coffee, and waiting for his arrival.

Clark burst into the room, red-faced and dishevelled from flying.

He held up his phone like a crazed tourist. "Bruce, what...is this?"

Bruce lifted an invisible eyebrow beneath the cowl. "Us, Clark. It's pride month. I thought Kryptonians could see the normal wavelengths of light."

"I know! But...why? I though you said..."

"Clark. I was well aware of what I said before about compromising ours and the league's safety, but then I thought..." Bruce stood up from the monitors, and walked over to Clark so that their chests were almost touching. He placed his hands on his shoulders "...that you are worth it."

Clark was stunned into silence. Taking the opportunity, Bruce continued, "I just want everyone to know that I'm yours," he smiled softly. "What's the point of being together if nobody knows about it?"

Clark's phone fell to the ground with a crack, then his arms were on him, hugging him close, head buried into the crook of his neck and taking in every scent of Bruce. "God, Bruce...I..."

"It's alright." Bruce whispered, "I'm sorry for suggesting it in the first place. I should have known-"

The doors swung open a second time, revealing Barry and Diana with coffee in their hands. Bruce tried disentangling himself from Clark, but it was too late.

"Hello, boys. I see that you've finally made up," Diana smiled, sipping on her coffee knowingly.

Barry was about to say something that Bruce was certain will give him a migraine, when his attention shifted to Clark's phone on the ground. He grabbed it in a flash of red.

"Waaaaait a second...did you post this, Bats?" Barry's eyes were glued to the phone, wide with disbelief.

"Yes I did. Problem?"

"I knew it! You guys are together! Oooooh Arthur is going to be so mad..." Barry clapped his hands in glee, then suddenly remembered something. "Hey, you forgot to tag me!"

"You aren't in the photo."

"But I took it!" Barry exclaimed, "It's proper social media etiquette to tag the photographer! Otherwise it's stealing..."

"Oh, I'm sure Bruce will tag you in later, but I think you should go find Arthur and settle the bet before he escapes," Diana teased. "After all, he owes me as well." She shot Bruce a wink.

"You guys... have been betting on whether we're together or not?" Clark voiced out Bruce's thoughts.

"Well, it's easy money," said Barry. "But then Arthur was an idiot. More for the rest of us!"

As Barry sped away and Diana went to take over monitor duty, Bruce snuck away into his dorm to take care of a very horny Kryptonian. All the safety risks were worth it, he thought, if he could see that brilliant smile every day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be gentle on me cause this is my first digital fanart (๑′°︿°๑)


	4. Flight

Bruce really hated going on space trips. From stopping a civil war on an alien planet, to attending diplomatic meetings with different species from across the galaxy, it often took the said alien species and the entire league's begging to ~~convince~~ force him to go. It wasn't because of the endless trip through the nothingness of space, it wasn't because he has to put up with the other leaguers' shenanigans on the spacecraft. It was because he hated being away from Gotham, but most of all, was that alien cultures suck.

Like the planet they're currently on. Alios, a tiny brown planet almost classified as an asteroid for how small it was. Business meetings were often held there, and now Bruce was in a reception room with the other leaguers, waiting to meet the guide who'd prove him once again that he should never had come.

Clark, sensing his agitation, squeezed his shoulders in reassurance. "It's not that bad, B. Besides, I heard that the food here is nice!"

Bruce rolled his eyes. "And by nice you meant just barely consumable for humans."

"Come on! At least try some! What's the fun if you're just going to eat all the instant noodle packets that you've brought?"

"There are 45 packets, each with a different flavour. I doubt that's boring," Bruce retorted.

"Right, right, yes, but have you seen the contents of the noodles? Your stomach is going to suffer..." As if to prove his point, Clark pinched Bruce's stomach, where a tiny flab of fat was born from his unhealthy noodle diet from the trip.

Bruce glared murderously and attempted to swat away the offending hand, which somehow turned into a full-blown cat-fight. Well, a highly regulated cat-fight, with Clark trying very hard not to accidentally snap one of Bruce's fingers.

Diana cleared her throat, bring the two men back to their senses. Beside her, Hal was muttering something about getting a room.

"Yes, I understand your sentiment, Green Lantern. We will be getting a room soon, by the courteous guide whom we'll be meeting in a few minutes," said J'onn hopefully.

"I- wha-" Hal stared at the Martian for a whole second. "No! I...that was...metaphorically! It's a common phrase which-"

A melodic chord struck the air, stopping Hal mid-sentence. As the echoes died down, the giant doors to the main building swung open, and an Aliosian stepped in.

She was easily taller than Clark by a head, making her tower over all the others. Bruce made a mental note to pad his boots later on.

"Welcome, heroes, and my apologies for keeping you waiting," the Aliosian said in carefully practised English. "Please follow me to your dormitories, where my friend will give you further instructions."

The leaguers followed mutely, admiring the exotic decorations and structures of the interior. They passed through corridors and corridors of intricate designs, before finally arriving at a magnificently carved door, leading to a building that rival the Neuschwanstein Castle.

They were so busy admiring the castle that the arrival of another Aliosian almost made Clark shoot straight into the ceiling in shock. The newcomer was taller still than the previous one.

"Your rooms are behind this door. The peace treaty will commence tomorrow, and your attendance will be greatly appreciated. We will bring you the adequate clothing by tomorrow morning." He said, then with a look of disdain, adds, "Are all earthlings so short?"

"Um, I would say we're above average..." Hal started, but the Aliosian cut him off.

"Your height would be most inconvenient in the meeting tomorrow. I shall inform the tailors to change your footwear to heeled shoes instead."

"You mean high heels...?" Clark raised an eyebrow.

The Aliosian paused, checking the translation in his head, then nodded.

Bruce discarded the plan to pad his boots.

"Well then," The Aliosian clapped his hands together, "Settle down, and we'll bring you your clothes later."

* * *

Everyone was mortified by the idea of wearing heels, except for Bruce and Diana. That night, most of the them practised walking in heels without horribly spraining their ankles in the privacy of their own rooms. Clark however, cheated and snuck into Bruce's room for advice.

"You never told me you wore heels before." Clark grinned, before falling splat onto the floor in an unfashionable manner.

Bruce sighed. "Focus."

"So...what made you do it?" Clark got up from the floor, now adorned with a dent.

"I lost an ill-advised bet against Diana."

Clark laughed heartily, then slipped and fell again. He groaned and looked at the growing dent with disdain. "How'd they expect any of us to master walking in 9-inch heels in one night?"

Bruce shrugged. "Not their fault you don't know how to walk in heels."

Clark pouted, and Bruce's heart made a somersault. "It's so difficult! My feet hurt."

"Just focus, and concentrate on the path ahead of you," said Bruce, then added when he saw Clark wobble dangerously, "Focus on your centre of gravity."

After over an hour of wobbling and crashing, Bruce finally deemed Clark skilled enough not to embarrass himself in front of countless important alien figures tomorrow. With a huff, Clark ripped the heels off and slumped straight into bed.

Bruce watched the exhausted kryptonian sprawled across his bed, already fast asleep. He scowled, noticing how little space he was left with.

Still, he scooted over to the tiny available space and willed himself to sleep, as waking up Clark in his opinion was a far worse crime than murder.

* * *

Bruce was awoken rudely when noisy alarms blared through the rooms. Groaning with sleep inertia, he forced his body to sit upright, despite every joint cracking in protest.

That's when he saw that there were guards assembled outside his door. And that his door has a giant hole in it. A hole suspiciously shaped like Clark.

Bruce swore under his breath. He should have known that the heels training was too much.

One of the guards stepped into the room, and immediately began the standard procedure of interrogation. Bruce tried to make it clear that he knew what happened, that he can probably help them find the missing kryptonian, but the guards appeared to only know the language of interrogation, and had little vocabulary in other aspects.

That's until J'onn came along with other groggy league members and managed to communicate telepathically with the guards. After a moment of discussion, they grudgingly allowed Bruce to take the lead and search for Clark.

It wasn't hard to find him, as Bruce had had plenty of experience back on Earth. Clark always sleep-flies after a particularly stressful day, resulting in him floating all over the manor. He followed the tell-tale signs of scratches along the wall and the occasional bump on the ceiling. At last, they found him hugging the ceiling in a children's play room, snoring like his life depended on it. Below, Aliosian children were giggling and attempting to use him as target practise. The guards quickly snatched the bows away from the children, while Bruce stared up at the motionless form of Clark above.

Diana offered to fly up and get him down. She floated up next to Clark, yanked the blanket away, and slung him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Surprisingly, Clark was still blissfully asleep.

Bruce sighed as Diana handed him over to the guards, who lifted him like a coffin back to his room. It was quiet for a single second.

"So... why is Clark in your bedroom?" Barry asked, utterly destroying any chance of peace and quiet.

"Oh, come on, isn't it obvious?" Hal smirked. "They're f-"

"Language!" Diana shouted, motioning to the kids around them.

"Oh right, sorry. But yeah, they're totally boning."

"Didn't Batman just come out with that Instagram post?" J'onn asked, "I thought everyone knows that they're..." He grimaced at the unfamiliar term. "...boning."

Bruce groaned as the league began to argue among themselves. Hal was convinced that something unspeakable has happened last night, while Barry countered that by analysing Bruce's attire. Diana was trying to calm everyone down, and J'onn was asking about the usage of the word "boning".

Quietly, with the experience from years of training, Bruce slipped away into the shadows, eager to leave this particular conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't ask me why Bruce would consume such an unhealthy food like cup noodles. Maybe there're manufactured by Wayne Enterprises to contain as little trans fat as possible, or maybe he's a stress eater and devours cup noodles when he's stressed. Or maybe the batkids packed them for him as a prank...


	5. Possession pt.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of the last chapter, where the Justice League landed on Alios to sign a treaty of some sort, and Bruce had to give Clark lessons in walking in high heels.

At this particular moment, sipping on a glass of exotic alien drink which tastes like a blend between black sugar and ginger, while pretending to listen to the Aliosian representative's speech, Bruce decided that maybe space travel wasn't so bad after all.

First of all, the speech was so repetitive that he'd only need to listen to ten seconds of it, then tune out the rest and go back to his own thoughts. Secondly, the food was great, even by human standards. None of those squishy slimy substances that can hardly be classified as edible.

But most of all, is watching the league trying but failing to walk in high heels.

Clark was among the better ones, given his private lessons with Bruce, but still slipped with as much grace as a newborn duckling every few minutes. Hal and Barry were clinging onto each other for dear life, which works pretty well if they're standing still. But as soon as either one of them made just the tiniest step, the duo crashed immediately to the floor. Arthur stood sulking by the exit door, refusing to move an inch and muttering something about buoyancy. J'onn, on the other hand, shape-shifted himself to be as tall as the Aliosians to avoid wearing the dreaded heels.

Diana strolled past and stopped next to Bruce, munching contentedly on a piece of purple cake.

"I get the feeling that you're enjoying this as much as I am," Bruce said.

"The food or watching the boys struggle in heels?" Diana grinned, "Because I'm thoroughly enjoying both."

Bruce's mouth quirked up into a smile. Maybe this might be the best intergalactic meeting he's been to yet.

Diana walked off in pursuit of more food, or more specifically, the dessert bar, no doubt demolishing it after she's done. She soon disappeared into a mass of giant Aliosians.

Picking up his plate, Bruce debated getting some more to eat. Although lacking nutrition labels, he could physically feel the excess calories emanating from the food. Just as he was about to hit the salad bar, a heavily-built Aliosian came up to him, giving him no chance but to acknowledge him for the sake of courtesy.

"Hello, Batman. You seem a bit lonely here, eating all by yourself." He said it in an unrecognisable language, but the instant translator strapped onto his ear allowed Bruce to understand him in real time. "Wouldn't you like a partner to dine with? A fine specimen like you deserves some attention, after all."

Bruce ignored the completely unsubtle undertones and gave him a polite smile, hoping that he'd go away. 

The intruding Aliosian, Lix, did not get the memo. And before Bruce knew it, he was being steered towards the drinks sector by an unbelievably strong hand on his waist. He gritted his teeth and fought down the urge to kick him in the shin, as causing a scene right now is less than ideal.

He let himself be poured a glass of sparkling blue liquid, but knew better than to drink it. Then much to Bruce's dismay, Lix began to boast about his personal achievements, each one getting more preposterous and boring than the last. Bruce has long since tuned him out, and instead focused on the distant ceiling. There was an interesting luminous fly stuck to the wall, cleaning its mandibles with clear intent.

Lix droned on about some massive intergalactic space war being stopped by him and him alone, when he suddenly snaked an uncomfortably hot arm around Bruce's waist. If Bruce were a cat right now, he would resemble those memes where a cat was nothing more than a dark spike of irritated fur with a pair of murderous gleaming eyes. 

The arm around him moved downwards, and he felt Lix lean in close to his ear and murmur something unintelligible. He cringed away, and found Lix leering down at him, mouth wide in a lustful grin.

He was just about to leave when another warm hand clamped down on his shoulder, except that this time, the hand tightened instead of groped, an unmistakable sign of possessiveness. When he felt the bearer of the hand slowly extract himself from Lix's iron clasp, Bruce smiled in relief.

Lix was none too happy about this. "Excuse me, Superman, but we were having a conversation here."

Clark instead shot him the deadliest glare Bruce's ever seen in his entire life, enough to rival even Alfred's stink eye. Red hot sparks began to emit from his irises, and his pupil glowed to a dangerous golden yellow.

Bruce wished that he had Lix's face on tape, as the transition from annoyance to utter terror was just incredible. Lix muttered something lost to history, then scampered out of sight.

Clark heaved a sigh of relief. "Thank god he's gone." Then he turned to Bruce, rapidly scanning him. "Are you ok? Did he do anything to you? Is he-"

"Clark, I'm fine," Bruce said, then added when he saw Clark's skeptical face, "Really."

Clark still looked dubious, but then Bruce kissed him on the cheek, shutting him up immediately.

"What was that for?" Clark blushed.

Bruce just gave him a smirk.

Then a well-dressed Aliosian came bounding over. She was one of the diplomats who'd just given a speech, and she wasted no time in explaining and apologising. "Mr Batman and Superman! I'd like to apologise for the behaviour of my colleague just now."

Clark, ever the polite farm boy, smiled and told her that it was no problem, though Bruce sincerely doubted it. Lix was probably going to have PTSD from his glare.

The diplomat waved her arms around as if she couldn't believe that her apology was accepted so easily. "If we'd known that Mr Batman was the mate of none other than Mr Superman, all of us would have known better than to approach him, sir!"

Bruce raised his eyebrows. " 'None other'? Is Superman more famous than the rest of us in your culture?"

"Ah no, it's just that Kryptonians are extremely jealous. And others, out of safety reasons, would never approach their mates unless granted permission."

Bruce glanced at Clark, whose neck was hot from embarrassment. "I...uh, never knew that our... condition would be so well known among other species." 

"Oh, there were plenty of incidents concerning kryptonians and their mates in the past, we are used to it," The diplomat said, "You didn't blow his head off, that's an improvement already!"

Then they were left by themselves, and seeing that everyone had put themselves at a discreet distance between them, they went and helped themselves to more food. Bruce could feel eyes staring at them, but he honestly couldn't care less. So long as Clark was next to him, cracking stupid jokes every now and then, munching on a ridiculously decorated bar of metal, or just levitating off the ground to avoid walking in heels, Bruce felt like he was the happiest person in the universe.

"You know, they already got the message. You don't have to keep me that close." Bruce said jokingly as Clark attempted to hustle him away from the staring crowd.

"Oh but I'd like to keep you even closer." Clark said in a tone that made sparks fly down Bruce's spine. Then he noticed where Clark was leading them to, a suspiciously convenient bedroom just a few steps away from the hall. He was just about to complain that someone might catch them, when Clark kissed him deep and hot, destroying every last shred of rationality.

And when his back hit the soft sheets, he silently agreed that he'd very much like Clark to keep him as close as he likes every second of the day, for the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wah, would you look at that, I finished yet another fic without abandoning it halfway!
> 
> Check out an amazing fanart on this chapter by PeachyTomura [HERE](https://batman-supreme16.tumblr.com/post/642948986018414592/a-really-good-superbat-fic-perculiar-perks-by)
> 
> Thank you for all the sweet comments! Reading them are the highlight of the day.


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